COTM | Spoiled Brats

Snappy Monday Folks!

I would have got this to ya in the morning....but I was too busy reading celebrity gossip sites, and then I had to do some work. I a-pol-o-jayz.

So the other day I was paying my bills online while watching MTV's My Super Sweet Sixteen (which kind of gives the same effect as watching a Dateline special on "Obesity in America" while eating a #5 from Burger King - I've done that too). Anyways, either way you feel bad afterwards...dare I say, empty?

Well I'm about sick of the ridiculous materialism plaguing our nation. I never thought I'd ever say this, but "kids these days! Do they think money grows on trees?!?!" $200,000 parties, $80,000 cars, and $10,000 dresses?!?! You know what I got for my sixteenth birthday?!.... A JOB! I know I didn't have to link that one, but I just want to be clear. After seeing materialism at its worst, I think it's my duty to save you all from the madness. I know most of you don't have kids...or perhaps you're waiting to hear about the DNA results? - but that's neither here nor there. This is something we all must educate ourselves on - like politics and poverty in America...and celebrity gossip. So here go the top 5 clues that your child (or one around you) may be spoiled.

• You give them a $67,000 car and they tell you, "You ruined my life! You were supposed to wait to give me the car at my PARTY, stupid mom!"

• You find that every 6-12 months you're upgrading a gift you just gave them. In 1987 my father and I waited in the Toys R Us line for houuuurrs to buy the Nintendo. I can honestly say I never asked him for a Christmas gift after that. Do you think he got me the PlayStation or XBox? Noooo. I'm STILL playin' Donkey Kong on that thing till the wheels fall off.

• She/he tells you that contrary to popular belief, there is in fact a price that you can put on happiness...and it runs around a quarter mil.

• You give 'em a $20 bill to go to the movies with friends and he/she looks at you all sideways like you placed a chewed-up piece of watermelon bubblicious in his/her hand.

• You say to them, "For Pete's sake, do you think I'm a Millionaire?!" and they reply, "well...yeah...at least."

With that said, my advice to you is to avoid these unruly children at all costs....but be nice to them if you have to interact with them because as this twisted world works, they will be signing your paychecks in about 15 years):

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Speaking of spoiled kids, here's your MOS [Moment of Schadenfreude] - you may want to turn the volume down on this one. Screaming kids and what-not. It's all kinds of wrong, but funny. [NSFW]