COTM | Holiday Fun

Snappy Holidays! It's Monday!

Well it's about that time folks. It's December and the holiday season is upon us. I won't bore you with my annual conspicuous consumption speech, but I will give you the abridged, remixed version...

OK, so here goes: Easy on the malls, online stores, and fruitcakes. Spend some quality time with your family and friends. Give Santa a smooch - and think about " the reason for the season. "

During the holiday season we can easily get carried away with shopping, gifts and pricey items ...and I'm certainly not going to stand in the way of you and your MasterCard, but I will add a couple ideas to your "holiday to do list." Think of me as your conscience...your voice of reason...your nagging wife...

• One: The Campaign to Make Poverty History - why not throw a holiday event for a cause like this? Raise awareness and raise some mullah.
  

• World Vision: Many of you know this has been a favorite of mine since about 1993. A small gift can provide a child with clothes, medicine, books, and more.
  

• Volunteer Match: You can find any and every volunteer opportunity through this site. Food banks, shelters, and schools need more help than ever during holidays. Check 'em out.

• Toys for Tots: You gotta luv the kids! Throw a couple toys for the kids in the shopping cart along with the Wii and Plasma TV fr you. Mmhmm...I know what you're getting yourself for the holidays.
  

• Insert Your Own Humanitarian Effort Here: Hey - I can't come up with all the ideas! Sheesh. You guys are gettin' lazy!
  

So what I'm trying to say is, remember what the holidays are all about. Oh - and don't spend all your money! e. e. cummings once said, "I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." Ain't that the truth!

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Here's your MOS- actually its not really schadenfreude. To be honest, I'm thinking about bringing some Jell-O Jigglers to at least one holiday party this year.

p.p.s: If I get motivated, maybe I'll post more ideas on my website - keep your eyes peeled.

COTM | Bringing Texty Back

SMISV!

Sup? AWHFY? No? Ok, well J4YI, Oprah is SFE2E b/c of Obama. IOW, the YL is endorsing the QT. OMG! SWDYT? IMHO, WK?! FWIW, they're TBFFs. Poor Stedman.

If you didn't catch that, study this and then read below. If you did catch it all, me thinks you're a 13 year old girl.

Snapalicious, Monday is STILL vicious! What's Up? Are we having fun yet? No? Ok, well just for your information, Oprah is smiling from ear to ear because of Obama. In other words, the young lady is endorsing the cutie. Oh my goodness! So what do you think? In my humble opinion, who knows?! For what it's worth, they're totally best friends forever. Poor Stedman.

So how many of you have been caught in one of these conversations via e-mail/text?! They're almost as painful as being caught in a Chocolate Twankie convo. And trust you me, both are indications that the English language is dying a slow and painful death. You know what else will clue you into the current state of our national vernacular?...

• You've had the above abbreviated conversation...in person.
  

• Sometimes, when you're frustrated, you say, "WTF?!"...outloud.
  

• You watched the LG National Texting Championship

• You participated in the LG National Texting Championship and lost because you couldn't text "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious if you say it loud enough you'll always sound precocious" in less than 15 seconds.

• You get confused when people speak normal English.
  

For the love of Merriam and Webster! I can't be the only one speaking [broken] English! Sheesh. My advice for the week? Let's all pick up a dictionary...and study it. Matter of fact, let's sign-up for Word of the Day e-mails. In fact, I'll keep SWOTD [Smart Word of the Day] going. It's necessary...it's our livelihood!

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Here's your MOS - makes you want to stop texting while driving huh?

COTM | Turkey Day

Snapberry Sauce and Turkey! It's Monday!

Ugh. Is it Thanksgiving yet? No?! Sigh. I almost forgot to send this bad-boy out. Since I'm all over the place today, you're going to get my random thoughts. Minimal organization - just nonsensical bullet points! Mmmm...

• Well, well, well....from the results of last week's poll it looks like your favorite Michael Jackson song is "Dirty Diana " - or as my nephew calls it, "Nasty Nancy." I'm surprised no one picked Jam. Shame.

• Why is he not retired yet? How are you gonna claim retirement like several times and then come back?! What kind of an example does that set for our senior citizens?! I would hate for them to think that promising something to the people and then not keeping their word is ok! Oo-wee.
  

• Is it Thanksgiving yet?!

• Brace yourselves. If you caught the AMAs last night, then you caught a glimpse of Armageddon: Alicia Keys performed... and danced! [loved it] and Beyonce joined Sugarland to sing the country version of irreplaceable [irrevocable....that's 2:47 minutes of my life I'll never get back.]
  

• Today is World Toilet Day - I know it may sound funny, but 2.6 billion people in the world are "untoileted" - from the report:"The lack of a safe, private, and convenient toilet is a daily source of indignity and undermines health, education, and income generation." I know this because it was in my work inbox this morning. Now that's how we should all start our Monday mornings.
  

• Back to the American Music Awards. "I be up in the gym workin' on my fitness" too so....umm...where's my AMA? I can dance in some miss piggy pumps like the best of 'em - skill!

• I'll take extra mashed potatoes, gravy, corn bread, sweet potatoes, and a turkey leg to start please. Thanks. What was that? huh?....it's not Thanksgiving yet?!?! Argh!
  

• I want this dress for Christmas so I can get my Tina Turner on...but I could do without the song.

• Can we bring this one back for old times sake? When I'm at work...feeling overwhelmed...or feeling like procrastinating, I just click this link and everything is better. I would pay good money to see this in person.
  

• Mmmm...
  

My advice for the week? Don't act like you're already on vacation - you'll never get anything done. Worse yet, you'll send out random e-mails to your friends and family with subliminal Thanksgiving menu options. Powerhouse it the next few days and then make the best of Thanksgiving [i.e. eat all you can and don't forget to make me a plate!]

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Here's your MOS - that reminds me. I need to fill up my tank. Lemme hold a dollar!!

COTM | Thriller

Snapple Tropical Mango Antioxidant Water - it's Monday!

So I was going to wait 3 weeks for this, but this is just too good. In less than 3 weeks we will all be celebrating one of the most important days in like World History....

...the anniversary of Michael Jackson's Thriller! That's right December 1st [which is also World AIDS Day] is the 25th Anniversary of one of the best albums - with one of the weirdest alternative covers, but I digress. Oh Thriller. They don't make albums like that anymore. It's just amazing on so many levels. Shall we review? Here's how you know an album is the ish diddles and has ridiculous staying power....

• Music Video: The Thriller video is like an actual movie - and that mess scared the bejeezuz out of me when I was little. For the record, never show a child "The Making of Thriller" - ever... especially while that child happens to be visiting Africa.
  

• Publicity: MJ just made the cover of Ebony Magazine....and he's not even Ebony anymore! Influence.
  

• Dance: I know the entire dance - and so do you - don't deny it. But... um... er... uh... when a detention center in the Philippines reenacts the entire video 24 years later?! Did I mention that this is a male detention center? So that unattractive woman you see at the beginning & end....well...you figure it out.

• Remakes: Chris Brown wasn't even born when this album was released. Fast forward to the end - it has a montage of his videos. Good stuff.
  

• Album Sales: Thriller is the best selling album of all time! Purple Rain has to be a close second...if not, I'll cry.
  

• Concerts: The Thriller tour was clearly one of the best ever. Ahh...1987...when I had a serious crush on MJ. This is also the year my bro JP got me MJ's Bad album and secured my happiness and bestest, awesomest brother in the world status. I still remember the day as though it was yesterday...."put the needle on the record"...

• Songs: Thriller, Beat It, PYT, The Girl is Mine, The Lady in My Life, Human Nature...lyrical goodness!!! And I quote, " Where Did You Come From Lady, And Ooh Won't You Take Me There; Right Away Won't You Baby; Tendoroni You've Got To Be; Spark My Nature Sugar Fly With Me" - genius. Do you know how many folks have remixed his songs?!?!
  

Michael Jackson may be a little different... but he sure makes some good music! Since most of you aren't working anyways [you really shouldn't be reading this e-mail at work...you should be ashamed] - I have a project for you. Remember the good times - think of your favorite Michael Jackson song and make that your theme song for the week. Oh - and let me know what it is!

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Here's your MOS - I don't know...this kind of scared me more than the original video.

COTM | Dance Off!

Snappy il Coccodrillo! It's Monday!

Ok, as much as I want to comment on the current state of German cartoons about Egyptian crocodiles named Schnappi, I can't. There are more pressing issues at hand so I'm gonna cut straight to the chase.

The 2008 Presidential Race is no longer about the issues. No, really. I've weighed each candidate's position on Education, Health Care, Foreign Policy, the Environment, Dental Floss and the like...and I just can't make up my mind. So my vote is going to be settled the old fashioned way...

...a dance off!



You guys may not think it's important, but having dancing abilities is crucial if you're going to be our next president. Don't know if you should cut taxes for the lower-income demographic?...dance off . Fighting to provide better education in all school districts?...dance off. I mean, let's be honest here - it worked for Kid n' Play in House Party - which of course, means it will work for our national government.

So who is our next president, you ask? Well if it's based on a dance off, then my home-skillet-ride-or-die-brotha-from-anotha-mutha Barry takes the cake. He's got a mean two-step. Watch-out now! He's about to " walk a whole in [his] Stacey Adams!"

What'd I'd pay to see Obama do the Souljah Boy. That would probably win my vote instantly. Let's watch him again in slow-mo...Good stuff.



So choosing a president solely based on dancing abilities isn't the best idea. But this notion does lead me to a greater message. My advice for the week? Notice "the other side" of folks. Realize that people are multidimensional [well...hopefully] and they have a fun side that needs to come out and play! Recess!

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Here's your MOS - Obama dressed up as Obama?! This man is too cool for school.

COTM | You Need A Vaca!

Snappy Day - it's time for a Vaca! Happy Monday!

I don't know about you but I'm in serious need of a vacation y'all. I never thought I'd say this, but we should be more like Europe... wait for it...in that they go on "holiday" like 6 weeks out of the year. Only in America does one take only 5 days off of work the entire year.

You know what? I think you need a vacation too. Wanna know how I know? I thought you'd never ask...

• You've made at least 1 comical video using pictures of your co-workers, celebrities, and/or political figures. Who said Kim Jung Il only looks good in a military uniform? Wait...who said Kim Jung Il looks good??
  

• Your minimal free time at work is spent looking up vacation packages to Zanzibar and other places affiliated with Queen. On an unrelated topic - who would like to go to Zanzibar with me in December? About 5-7 days? Honeymoon package?
  

• The issues of the world plague you everyday...and you like to make-up hilarious songs about them.
  

• Last week you left work early...and you're a doctor...and you were in the middle of heart surgery.

• Forget effort, now you just come into work in whatever is semi-clean...like your dining room drapes.
  

• At your last company meeting your co-worker took the last bagel. You looked him straight in the eye and said, " leggo my eggo" and then grabbed the bagel out of his hands and walked away.

• Watching Office Space makes you cry - because you can relate in the worst way .
  

Basically, it's probably time for a vacation when your priorities are all out of whack. And from what I gather, a lot of you have some suspect priorities. My advice? Take a vacation! Even if it means building a fort in your living room and calling it Yosemite National Park. You gotta do what ya gotta do!

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s : Here's your MOS - sigh...such a good movie.

COTM | Magically Delicious

Snapically Delicious! It's Monday!

Just when you thought reading these e-mails and visiting oh-mondays wasn't enough - I added a music playlist to my site so you can procrastinate until Tuesday!

So yesterday I was on the phone with my niece Reya (shout-out to her "school" ;-) USC even though they got SMASHED by Stanford...and no - I will never let it go). I mentioned how I felt too lazy to actually make dinner. Just when I was about to settle on 3 ginger snaps and a sugar-free Tic Tac she mentioned what we have declared the best invention ever... cereal! Yeah the wheel has gotten us pretty far in civilization and props to Charles Drew for pioneering blood plasma and my boy George Washington Carver for that goodness we call peanut butter, but I'd really like to shake hands with the genius who created breakfast cereal. Real talk.


Just think about it. You can eat cereal any time of the day! I guess you could eat any food any time of the day...but at 2am, filet mignon just doesn't sound as good as some Smart Start with Berries ya dig?

So I started thinking about what makes cereal so great. Off the bat, I would say it's the magical deliciousness. But when you really think about it...I think it's the commercials. Lets be honest - you could sell hot pink Spanx to a nun if the commercial is on point right? Trust me - I've tried to sell hot pink Spanx to a nun before and if I had a winning commercial Sister Mary Francis totally would have bought them. 2 for 1 ya'all!

Well here are some commercials that got you hooked like Pookie [Chris Rock] in New Jack City...

• Alpha Bits: Quit playin' Michael. And all along I thought you were a scary-looking melting woman.
  
• Bill & Ted's Excellent Cereal: Absolutely no nutritional value...at all.
  
• Pac Man Cereal:Fancy that. I was just doing the Pac Man dance this morning. Hmm...in a similar outfit....double hmm....
  
• Nintendo Cereal: 2 cereals in 1?!?! That's preposterous! I want no part of it!
  
• Life Cereal: Classic!
  
• Wheaties: This commercial is completely responsible for my love of Wheaties as a child and yet when I think about it, it really doesn't taste good...at all. I think Michael Jordan is the secret weapon in selling hot pink spanx to a nun.
  

Too bad I wasn't allowed to eat this mess (excluding Wheaties). 'Rents had me eatin' straight Kashi . Ugh. Torture. But I'm grown now and I can eat whatever I want! But my palate is now conditioned to only like granola-based cereals...sigh. Nevertheless, this week I'm going to march myself to the General Mills Headquarters (like 7 minutes away) and demand to taste all of their sugary delights! My advice to you for the week? Eat what you loved to eat as a child...in moderation folks. Metabolism ain't what it used to be!

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s : Oh you pulled my chain. Here's your MOS. Did you know that there are over 2300 ... different ... videos for G. Love and Special Sauce's infamous " Milk and Cereal" song on YouTube alone?? Now that's procrastination and boredom at its best. And so is this.