Monday, July 23, 2007

COTM | Chocolate Twinkies

Snip-Snap, Monday is BACK!

You know, this morning I was all ready to touch on politics again: Obama, Mariane Pearl's lawsuit against al Qaeda (you can do that?!?!), the recent split of the once-joint Israeli-Palestinian Sesame Street TV program [click "Holy Land"], the declining U.S. Dollar, and things of that nature. But folks, there are other issues in life that deserve attention...such as the game that some fellas try to spit...ineffective game that is.

Now I'm no critic - I'll take a compliment where I can get it, but lately I feel like guys [the ones that walk up to me] say to themselves "forget effort, imma liken her to my favorite food...like chocolate...or cornbread....or a mocha choco frappe with a shot of soy." Now I know some of you heard this story a couple years ago, but just like Ike Turner's career, it deserves to be resurrected...I guess. So here goes...

I was walking to my car from work and spotted a couple of young men tossing the football around outside of their office building or as they called it, a "mortgage company." They said 'hi' and I said 'hi' and the rest of the conversation went a little something like this...

Man #1 [he looked kinda like this]: Ay gurl, what's good with ya?

Man #2 [he looked kinda like this ]: Whatup Ma?

Me: Nothing much how are you two doing?

Man #1: Ooooooo-wwwee! Man-o-man! You always looking so RIGHT!
[looking me up and down as though I'm a giant piece of church's chicken].

Me: What?

Man #2: Looks like you've been eating some cornbread 'cause you've got curves in ALL the right places!
[looking me up and down as though I'm a giant side of potato salad...or cornbread]

Man #1: Guuurl. Yo skin is so soft. You know what you remind me of? mmmm-MMM!

Me: Do I want to know?

Man #1: You remember those limited edition chocolate Twinkies they released for that summer like 10...15 years ago? Velvety chocolate on the outside and creme filling? You know what I'm talking about? The ones you could only get at Sam's Corner Store or the Northside YMCA? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

Me: [looking at him with disappointment, yet recognition 'cause yes....I DID know what he was talking about] Umm....yeah.....wait....I remind you of a CHOCOLATE TWINKIE???
[thinking to myself, dam-nat...dam-nat!]

Man #2: Velvety soft, velvety soft.

SILENCE
[both of them looking me up and down as though I was the first female and/or real meal they saw after being released from serving a 20 year sentence in Rikers.]

Me: Umm....well you two have a good day...I gotta go.

Man #1: Chocolate Twankie gurl, CHOCOLATE TWANKIE!!!

Man #2: Velvety soft, velvety soft.

*The End*

A chocolate Twinkie? For real?! I was so appalled that when someone likened me to a Hershey Kiss I thought it wasn't so bad 'cause it wasn't a chocolate Twinkie . For shame. Well here's my advice for the week: Refrain from comparing a woman to a confectionery item...even if it's as tasty as a chocolate Twinkie.

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s : Here's your MOS. I consider it schadenfreude 'cause I'm about to purchase the entire 1st season on DVD...and you should feel bad for me. Unless of course, you'd like to join me?!

p.p.s : So my phone broke and I lost all of my numbers. Please send me your digits so I can just call to say I love you:)

3 comments:

Unknown said...

"You know I love me some sexual dark chocolate!" Hahaha! It is true, you are frequently likened to food items! That's what you get for being sweet--and, apparently, "velvety soft"--haha

I have TMNT video at my parents house to tied you over until Season 1 arrives!

Also, I LOVED the Ducktales intro clip! That brings me back to after-school TV at my grandma's house...followed up by Oprah and Baywatch re-runs :)

Anonymous said...

this is absolutely hilarious and disgusting. LMAO @ the fact that you remembered those limited-edition Twinkies. I don't appreciate food-related compliments. I think they are the reason why black people suffer from obesity.

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!