COTM | Pocket Change

Snap Attack! Monday is BACK!

Oh how I missed it. I missed Monday like the deserts miss the rain. Like Michael Vick is about to miss Football and privacy. Like hip hop misses decent music. Like Georgie B misses Alberto. Yeah folks. I missed it that bad.

You know what else I miss? Money. Well...I never missed it 'cause I never really had it. But I'd like it! I mean - I don't have to have it...but lemme just be superficial for one moment. Have you ever thought about what you'd do if someone gave you One Million Dollars? After Georgie B "and them" take 50%...after you pay off your student loans and "miscellaneous debt"...after you make your "charitable contributions"...what material items would you spend your money on?! You have NO IDEA you say? Well let me help you out. When you win the lottery and decide to spend your money on useless goodies, please think of me in one of the following 7 manners...

• Iced-Out iPod Shuffle : It's classy, it's sleek, it holds 250 songs...and it's only $20,000

• Yalos LCD TV : You have to have a clear screen and perfect resolution while watching Coming to America. I'll take mine with 160 diamonds. $130,000.
  

• Bhutan Book: It's life size, it's about the Himalayan Kingdom (you know you love it) and it's WAY better than a coffee table book. You need a big book for your big home. $15,000. A mind's a terrible thing to waste. And so is a lanai...put it in your lanai.
  

• PG Tips Tea: With the stress of being rich, you need some tea to calm you down...and sip in your lanai. That'll be $7500 for one tea bag please.

• Hoveround: Those commercials have me hooked. Yesterday I saw two old ladies cruisin' down Lyndale in these bad boys like they were rollin' in a Bentley. AND they were stunnin' with some curlers in their hair! Too hot. I might do that this weekend. I wonder if insurance will cover the hoveround...

• NASA's Blue Smoke: A gel that's 99.8% air?!?! Sand and silicone dioxide...but feels like expanded polystyrene?!?! That's ridiculous! I don't know what it does but I know it's cool...and expensive. You better call NASA and get you some...and keep it in your lanai.
  

• Bugatti Veyron: I just thought I'd throw that in there. You know...if you had some change left over...and subsequently won the lottery again.

Nice huh? I can't wait for one of ya'all to win the lottery. But to be honest [sappy statement in 5....4....3....2....] all I really want from you is your friendship. That's definitely worth more than a million dollars. But if you do win - just remember who kept you entertained Monday mornings when you were at that job you just quit 'cause now you're rich and all.

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s : Here's your MOS - once again, I try not to make fun of people under 18 but...it was just too easy. She shoulda won Miss Teen USA guys. Don't act like YOU know how to locate the United States on a map... 'cause you don't.

COTM | Celebrity Mash-Ups

Snapple-Dabble Doo! It's Monday Folks!

So as you know, COTM is usually full of substance and important subject matter worthy of the front page of the New York Times. I hear you laughing and I am not amused. Anywho, today we're going to immerse ourselves in pure celebrity filth. Not-so-much gossip...something way better...

Hollywood is full of lies and deceit...which I guess are kinda the same thing. For years I've been speculating about the connections between folks in Hollywood. Many of you have heard me speak of it, but I have no proof so oh well. But now my hypotheses are being hypothesized by other folks in hypothesizing blogosphere, which totally adds validity. So here's what I think. Remember...these are just my hypotheses...Celebrity Mash-ups if you will...

• Star Jones is Nicole Richie's undercova birth motha. Tell me you don't see it! It's all in their facial expressions.
  

• Beyonce and Jay-Z have a son. And his name is Chris Brown. And when they have a daughter, she may look like this.
  

• Speaking of Beyonce, her sister Solange may have a different Daddy...comedian Orlando Jones of Mad TV.
  

• Diana Ross and Michael Jackson are the proud parents of Evan Ross . Or as they say on Crunktastical, "LaMichael."
  

• The entire cast of Seinfeld participated in a genetic experiment which resulted in Anna Nicole's former interior designer, Bobby Trendy
  

There's more where that came from, but y'all ain't ready! I'm sure you have some on your mind so send 'em my way. You know, you're probably a mash-up of two (or more) celebrities. Can you guess which ones? Based on the comments from various well-intentioned yet annoying people, I'm the sister of Venus and Serena Williams and the daughter of Whoppi Goldberg. Sigh.

Instead of advice this week, I'm going to give you all a fun Chall-aaaannnge! - figure out which celebrities you belong to. Hey, you may make some money and/or friends out of it!

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s : Here's your MOS - Lil Mo' performing Beyonce's Deja Vu....wow.

COTM | SPF 30

Snap-a-dazzle, razzle me Monday!

I don't know how hot it is where y'all are, but over the weekend in East Chicago, Indiana & Chicago, Illinois (where I was) it was as hot as Lucifer's left armpit. And lemme tell ya, that's hot (roughly 90-somethin' degrees). Yup...it's summertime. I probably shouldn't be complaining considering it'll start snowing here in Minnesota in T-minus 7 days, but it's just getting unbearable!

As we're in the midst of summer, or as I like to call it, " the terrible effects of global warming ," I figure we could use a few pointers - ideas on how to get through a ridiculously hot summer...

1. Go outside! Before the end of the summer, I plan on going jet skiing, spelunking, and snow-less tobogganing. What are you going to do?
   
2. Always wear sunscreen! A few months ago I was in Jamaica with the fam and I was burned like whoa! (even though I had sunscreen on). It hurt. And it totally wasn't cute. You really can't get your groove back with aloe gel all over your face, but I digress...
   
3. For you Minnesota Folks, go to The State Fair!!! Oh the goodness....Martha's Cookies...Grilled corn on the cob...caramel apples...Weird Al Yancovic?!?! Oh yes. You've never HAD so much fun.
   
4. Volunteer! There are so many opps out there to do something in your community. This summer I've been teaching kids art (aka, the kids have been teaching me art 'cause I'm no artist).
   
5. Change up your style! Jazz up your wardrobe/hair a bit and try something different. Like this . Maybe she's born with it...maybe it's Maybelline.

With that, I advise you to enjoy the summer while it lasts. In the words of Sam Keen, "Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability."

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s : Here's your MOS. It was resurrected this weekend (thanks Tash)...it's a goodie.

COTM | 35W

Snappiness to ya - it's Mon-day!

You know, a lot of folks dread Monday - mainly b/c it's the start of a new business week. But when you think about it, we should probably look forward to it even more than any other day - it's a chance to start all over again. A new week - a new chance.

As most of you know, tragedy has hit Minnesota in the worst way and for many of you who live here, it's not far from your homes. Everyone I talk to has a story to tell: "I was on the bridge minutes before it collapsed...I cross that bridge twice a day to and from work...I was stuck on the bridge the day before...." Some of you have been covering it for your jobs (television, print, etc) so you've had an even closer view.


I went to the Memorial Blood Center on Friday [I have that good 'ole universal blood] and it was packed. I was deferred for two weeks b/c of iron levels but was amazed to see SO many people there - all ages. The blood center was on 280 & University which is close to the U of MN. Naturally I take University to 35W to get home. Without thinking I drove down University and found myself on University over 35W right next to the bridge - one exit from my house. A serious brain freeze - I figured the traffic was normal - all that construction. Within moments I was sucked into the madness: the cars, the people, the news trucks, the cameras...and then with a blink of my eyes I went into tunnel vision. I just stared at the bridge - the one I'm on several times a day. And then I prayed. I'm sure I wasn't the only one. That bridge is where folks found their faith.

So with that I say that today is a new day. The great thing about life is that we're given the chance to start over....over and over again. So my advice for the week is to start over and/or move forward - do what you've been putting off for so long - call that friend you've been thinking about - take that trip to Saskatchewan - eat a chocolate sundae with extra whipped cream. Just live.

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week! - I love you all.