COTM | Awards Shows

Snizzle Snazzle and all that Razzles - It's Monday!

So did anyone catch the Golden Globes last night? Oh, that's right. The Writer's Strike has Hollywood on lock! The 65th Annual Golden Globes was reduced to a press conference and Dateline junkets. Times are hard in Hollywood - they had to skip the pomp [ the red carpet ] and circumstance [$50,000 gowns] and get straight to the point [ the "winners"]...hmm...I could get used to this! Pretty soon they'll be texting the results with links to the actors' IMDB

I've never really been into awards shows. Unless they have to do with music, in which case I'm SO there. Maybe I refrain from watching because I think they're a bit biased [umm....how come The Kite Runner and Love in the Time of Cholera didn't win anything?! Not even for their music compositions?!] Maybe I don't watch 'em because they're like 3 days long. And I just ain't got time for that - unless it's a 3-day Law & Order marathon in which case I'm totally committed.

Golden Globes? Booorrring. Academy Awards? Yaaawwn. People's Choice Awards? Didn't chose ME. Let's make up our own awards shall we?!
profiles.

• Adult Content in Cartoon Form Awards: The Boondocks, Family Guy, Afro Samurai, South Park, The Simpsons - they all deserve their own venue, truly. And yes - I said Afro Samurai. I borrowed the DVD from my Dad if anyone wants to watch it.
  

• Best & Worst Pick-Up Lines Awards: We can start with Chocolate Twankies and end with one of these. "Let's make like fabric softener and Snuggle"??? Wow. Just...wow.
  

• The Cool Politician Awards: This one would be based on a combination of fashion sense, dance ability, knowledge of pop culture, and of course - foreign & domestic policy.
  

• Video Vixen Awards: You can rename this as you see fit. Those girls put in "work" and all they have to show for it is a 1-hour VH1 special on "Video Honeys." Fooorrr shame.

• Best Food in the Whole Wide World Awards: this one just gives me a reason to eat....a lot. Now get in the kitchen and make me a sammich - no mayo!
  

Lately it seems like movies, shows & music are made for notoriety & fame instead of goodness & entertainment. My advice for the week? Do something award-worthy - out of the goodness of your heart. You may not win a fancy-shmancy statue, but you'll probably win some appreciation from those around you.

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Here's your MOS [nsfw] - and we haven't heard from Isaiah Washington since. Looks like he may have to go back to " African-American Cinema."

COTM | Dance Off!

Snappy il Coccodrillo! It's Monday!

Ok, as much as I want to comment on the current state of German cartoons about Egyptian crocodiles named Schnappi, I can't. There are more pressing issues at hand so I'm gonna cut straight to the chase.

The 2008 Presidential Race is no longer about the issues. No, really. I've weighed each candidate's position on Education, Health Care, Foreign Policy, the Environment, Dental Floss and the like...and I just can't make up my mind. So my vote is going to be settled the old fashioned way...

...a dance off!



You guys may not think it's important, but having dancing abilities is crucial if you're going to be our next president. Don't know if you should cut taxes for the lower-income demographic?...dance off . Fighting to provide better education in all school districts?...dance off. I mean, let's be honest here - it worked for Kid n' Play in House Party - which of course, means it will work for our national government.

So who is our next president, you ask? Well if it's based on a dance off, then my home-skillet-ride-or-die-brotha-from-anotha-mutha Barry takes the cake. He's got a mean two-step. Watch-out now! He's about to " walk a whole in [his] Stacey Adams!"

What'd I'd pay to see Obama do the Souljah Boy. That would probably win my vote instantly. Let's watch him again in slow-mo...Good stuff.



So choosing a president solely based on dancing abilities isn't the best idea. But this notion does lead me to a greater message. My advice for the week? Notice "the other side" of folks. Realize that people are multidimensional [well...hopefully] and they have a fun side that needs to come out and play! Recess!

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Here's your MOS - Obama dressed up as Obama?! This man is too cool for school.

COTM | Why?....WHY?!

Snip-Snap Happy Monday!

Is it July already? But summer just started like 10 days ago! Well, for all you Minnesota folks I guess it's about time to get ready for that first snowstorm. Enjoy the weather while it lasts.

Well this week is going to be a mash-up...seeing as July 4th falls on a Wednesday and what-not. You see, holidays distract me. And don't even get me started on Bastille Day - I cant get anything done. It's like nailing Jell-o to a wall. Sigh. Does this mean I slack today and tomorrow....or Thursday and Friday? Hmmm....let's shoot for all week. Yeah...that sounds good. Well here are a few very profound
things to think about - one for every day of the week 'cause I know you'll be slacking with me;-)

• Sweet Sixteen Update: Remember Audry (Aubry? Audra?) from last week. Yeah - the ungrateful one? Well you'll be delighted to know that her mom returned the new Lexus...and then bought her the one she wanted in the right color/specs....and then her brother totaled it....and then her mom bought her an Infinity G35...and the world kept turning although it should have stopped.
  

• Jennifer Holliday & Jennifer Hudson: The original Effie from Dreamgirls...and the new Effie.
  
  
  
  This mess was better than VH1's Divas Live. If you only have a few moments to watch this, please fast-forward to 2:11 ... "Aaannnd IIII aaammmm telling you!" - it'll make....your.....day. Jennifer Holliday looked at Jennifer Hudson like, "Look here little girl - you BEST leggo my eggo and hand me some Mrs.Butterworths now!"
  

• Paris Hilton: I'm not going to comment on this. Yes I am. I was only able to watch about 3.5 minutes of her interview with Larry King. Their voices together were like a sweet, sweet horrific lullaby that rocked me right to sleep. But honestly though, the only thing less intelligent than the words coming out of Paris' mouth were the words coming out of Larry Kings' mouth. I've never seen an interview so dumbed-down before: "do you think you'd be a load for someone right now?...do you think you've found yourself?...what don't you like about Paris Hilton?....are you going to go to mass?" - wait Larry, you canceled Michael Moore for this? For shame.

• Soul Glo: So random, but I had to share. Angel, thank you for finding this song for me 'cause 24 hours of searching is far to long this day and age. If you are a product of the 80s, you'll appreciate it. But take note: Language = NSFW [not suitable for work]. Save this one for lata. It's a keeper. Go ahead and file it under "all kinds of wrong." And that picture of DeBarge?!....luv it...
  

• Music Remixes: Now you all know that I live and breathe music (shout-out to the folks on my Wilin' out Wednesdays e-mail list). And here's me being old again. Now, I don't mind it when some rapper from Tuscaloosa, Alabama named Lil Buck Teeth releases a remix of Tina Turner's Private Dancer (fictitious example - but not far fetched)....but when it's completely WACK I take offense. And when folks don't know the original version, it irks me just as much, if not more than the word "irk." So here's an example of a remix done right. Kanye West remixing/collabo with one of my favorite 90s Daft Punk songs: Stronger. Headbanger, no doubt. Although it has been remixed more times than The Isley Brothers "Between the Sheets," but I digress.
  

Hmm...since this week's COTM is kind of random, so is my advice for the week. It's wedding season, so here's some advice from a child named Alan (random website) on how to decide who to marry: "you got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming."

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Speaking of music remixes, I'm going to present your MOS is picture form. I usually stay away from helpless children....but this one was just too easy. Guess whose child this is. Hint: He has remixed his look so many times over the years that when my mom saw him on TV she said, "Oh sweet Jesus. Who is that ugly woman?!"

Answer: "Blanket" - Michael Jackson's son Prince Michael Jackson II

COTM | Naturalization

Snappy Monday to ya!

I hope all you Cavs fans are recovering from last week. If you need to find something to pass the time, yet still bask in the potential greatness of your team, just do this.
Etch-a-Sketch has never seen such artistry!

So lately I've been watching a lot of CNN , MSNBC and what-not - and reading (yes, I read). And the more and more I try to educate myself on current affairs, the more I realize I really don't know much about...well, important stuff. Like if the United States Government somehow decided that no one is a citizen anymore and to become a citizen again we all have to take a Naturalization Test....I'd probably have to pack my bags and move to Guam...but Guam's a U.S. territory. I wonder if I'd have to take a test when I got there. Hmm...I've always wanted to learn Chamarro.

Anyways, want to test your knowledge ? If you don't get these lucky 7 questions, let me know and we can totally go halfsies on a condo in Guam. Answers below...

1. Semi-Current Affairs: When did 9/11 Happen? | Believe it or not, some folks don't know - not even the obvious "9/11" part. Watch the video...really? You say 3 million people perished?....are you sure?

2. History: Name one of the writers of The Federalist Papers

3. Presidents: Who was the first President of the United States? | Ooo! I know this one. Me...pick ME!

4. Judicial: Who is the Chief Justice of the United States?

5. Constitution: How many Amendments does the U.S. Constitution have?

6. Legislative: Name your state's 2 Senators.

7. Citizens: What are "inalienable rights"?

So how many did ya get? Mmhmm, that's what I thought. Pack your bags and I'll swoop ya when you're ready. Remember in Middle School when you asked why this info is important and your teacher said, "because it's your history"? Well here's my advice for the week: become a selective learner. i.e. know your president....but not-so-much the fact that he's our 43rd president. Unless you plan on playing Jeopardy, Trivial Pursuit and the likes.

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Are you cupcakin'?! Well your MOS [Moment of Schadenfreude] sure is! I'm about to sue. They stole that beat from my 1987 Casio.

p.p.s: Answer Key: 1: September 11, 2001, 2: James Madison, Alexander Hamilton, John Jay, Publius, 3: If you don't know this one, please gently smack yourself , 4: John Roberts 5: Twenty-Seven, 6: U.S. Senators, 7: Individual rights that people are born with.

COTM | Chicken Noodle Soup

Sigh. It's Monday again?! Well I'll be!

So I've been thinking (I know - it kind of hurts) - is Hip Hop really dead? That seems to be the musical question of the year. I certainly think that every 25 years or so a completely new form of music surfaces, stamping a cultural identity for each generation. But back to the question - is Hip Hop really dead? Me thinks not....but it certainly needs a little CPR or somethin'. I'm not being pessimistic, but let me just run you by a few reasons why Hip Hop may have to reassess its livelihood...

• Oprah's HipHop Dancing Audience : Please make them stop. If I shouldn't do the "chicken noodle soup", then NO ONE in Oprah's audience should do it. Word.
  

• Comedians making fun of Hip Hop:
  
  
  ...this is great though. "temperature is the only thing keeping me from drinking that coffee." Do you have a B-Boy stance?
  

• Writers making fun of Hip Hop [thanks Angel]: "Mims is hot because he's fly. But it raises the question: Does being hot guarantee one's being fly? "You ain't 'cause you not" would seem to clear that up"

• Hip Hop Pioneers on Oprah: I don't have to explain this one. But I thought that Hip Hop had gone into cardiac arrest when I saw Russell Simmons, Kevin Lyles, & Common talking to Oprah during her "Hip Hop Town Hall... HIP HOP TOWN HALL! " This is either really good or really bad...I haven't decided yet.

• Definition of Hip Hop: ...I think we may be straying juuuust a little bit.
  

Well whatever the case may be, I do know one thing about Hip Hop - I love it. And if you love it too, you'll preserve it by doing the following...

Every morning when you wake up, look at yourself in the mirror and " You can roll your arms (roll your arms), and just put 'em in rotation (rotation), rock side, to side, now snap yo' fangaz like 'dem temptations" and when you go to bed at night, look in the same mirror and say, "Lets Get Gone, Walk It Out (Now Walk It Out - Think About It - Aaahhh Snap!!!) Now Rock Rock Rock Rock You Can Do It All By Yo'self." Repeat as necessary.

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!