COTM | Spoiled Brats

Snappy Monday Folks!

I would have got this to ya in the morning....but I was too busy reading celebrity gossip sites, and then I had to do some work. I a-pol-o-jayz.

So the other day I was paying my bills online while watching MTV's My Super Sweet Sixteen (which kind of gives the same effect as watching a Dateline special on "Obesity in America" while eating a #5 from Burger King - I've done that too). Anyways, either way you feel bad afterwards...dare I say, empty?

Well I'm about sick of the ridiculous materialism plaguing our nation. I never thought I'd ever say this, but "kids these days! Do they think money grows on trees?!?!" $200,000 parties, $80,000 cars, and $10,000 dresses?!?! You know what I got for my sixteenth birthday?!.... A JOB! I know I didn't have to link that one, but I just want to be clear. After seeing materialism at its worst, I think it's my duty to save you all from the madness. I know most of you don't have kids...or perhaps you're waiting to hear about the DNA results? - but that's neither here nor there. This is something we all must educate ourselves on - like politics and poverty in America...and celebrity gossip. So here go the top 5 clues that your child (or one around you) may be spoiled.

• You give them a $67,000 car and they tell you, "You ruined my life! You were supposed to wait to give me the car at my PARTY, stupid mom!"

• You find that every 6-12 months you're upgrading a gift you just gave them. In 1987 my father and I waited in the Toys R Us line for houuuurrs to buy the Nintendo. I can honestly say I never asked him for a Christmas gift after that. Do you think he got me the PlayStation or XBox? Noooo. I'm STILL playin' Donkey Kong on that thing till the wheels fall off.

• She/he tells you that contrary to popular belief, there is in fact a price that you can put on happiness...and it runs around a quarter mil.

• You give 'em a $20 bill to go to the movies with friends and he/she looks at you all sideways like you placed a chewed-up piece of watermelon bubblicious in his/her hand.

• You say to them, "For Pete's sake, do you think I'm a Millionaire?!" and they reply, "well...yeah...at least."

With that said, my advice to you is to avoid these unruly children at all costs....but be nice to them if you have to interact with them because as this twisted world works, they will be signing your paychecks in about 15 years):

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Speaking of spoiled kids, here's your MOS [Moment of Schadenfreude] - you may want to turn the volume down on this one. Screaming kids and what-not. It's all kinds of wrong, but funny. [NSFW]

SWOTD = Paramour

So every once in a while I come across a word that makes me feel smart when I use it. Born is SWOTD: Smart Word Of The Day. Oh....it's on Webster. Watch your back Merriam!

What I want to be when I grow up....

Paramour: A woman who cohabits with an important man; an illicit lover; any lover

Sentence: "No Denzel, I will not be your paramour. I have morals, you know!" said Anna.

COTM | Naturalization

Snappy Monday to ya!

I hope all you Cavs fans are recovering from last week. If you need to find something to pass the time, yet still bask in the potential greatness of your team, just do this.
Etch-a-Sketch has never seen such artistry!

So lately I've been watching a lot of CNN , MSNBC and what-not - and reading (yes, I read). And the more and more I try to educate myself on current affairs, the more I realize I really don't know much about...well, important stuff. Like if the United States Government somehow decided that no one is a citizen anymore and to become a citizen again we all have to take a Naturalization Test....I'd probably have to pack my bags and move to Guam...but Guam's a U.S. territory. I wonder if I'd have to take a test when I got there. Hmm...I've always wanted to learn Chamarro.

Anyways, want to test your knowledge ? If you don't get these lucky 7 questions, let me know and we can totally go halfsies on a condo in Guam. Answers below...

1. Semi-Current Affairs: When did 9/11 Happen? | Believe it or not, some folks don't know - not even the obvious "9/11" part. Watch the video...really? You say 3 million people perished?....are you sure?

2. History: Name one of the writers of The Federalist Papers

3. Presidents: Who was the first President of the United States? | Ooo! I know this one. Me...pick ME!

4. Judicial: Who is the Chief Justice of the United States?

5. Constitution: How many Amendments does the U.S. Constitution have?

6. Legislative: Name your state's 2 Senators.

7. Citizens: What are "inalienable rights"?

So how many did ya get? Mmhmm, that's what I thought. Pack your bags and I'll swoop ya when you're ready. Remember in Middle School when you asked why this info is important and your teacher said, "because it's your history"? Well here's my advice for the week: become a selective learner. i.e. know your president....but not-so-much the fact that he's our 43rd president. Unless you plan on playing Jeopardy, Trivial Pursuit and the likes.

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Are you cupcakin'?! Well your MOS [Moment of Schadenfreude] sure is! I'm about to sue. They stole that beat from my 1987 Casio.

p.p.s: Answer Key: 1: September 11, 2001, 2: James Madison, Alexander Hamilton, John Jay, Publius, 3: If you don't know this one, please gently smack yourself , 4: John Roberts 5: Twenty-Seven, 6: U.S. Senators, 7: Individual rights that people are born with.

COTM | Metacognition

Oh sweet Monday, why do you love me so? Happy Monday Folks!

On my red-eye flight last night I had some time to think - sleeping was nearly impossible 'cause I was too worried about the potential Tuberculosis circulating through my air vents. And I'm pretty sure the guy next to me coughed up his left lung...but not positive because my head was burrowed under a blanket I brought. Anywho, while meditating in my self-made aviation fort, I thought about intelligence, common sense, and all those other "smart things." Common sense would tell Mr. Tuberculosis not to fly but intelligence (his doctors) allegedly gave him the go ahead. But then again, common sense & a little intelligence would probably tell Madonna not to do this - and she's considered to have a "Superior IQ." So what makes us "intelligent" and can we truly measure it?

Albert Camus said, "An intellectual is a person whose mind watches itself" and I couldn't agree more. If I could only take one thing away from 7th grade math (and I did), it would be metacognition: thinking about your thinking about your thinking....etc. That, I believe, is the foundation of intelligence/intellecutalism. We all know that standardized tests don't really measure intelligence - at least that's what I tell myself after I take one. But enough about my insecurities...

Let's make-up our own intelligence test to jog our brains. Forget your IQ, throw-out your SAT, GRE, LSAT, GMAT, & MCAT. This is the new measure of intelligence & aptitude. If you succeed at any of these tests, consider yourself smart. And yes, these tests are graded on a curve so you're all good. You don't even need a pencil...

• Radar Quiz - "So You Think You're Smart" - 10 quick questions

• O'Reilly Factor w/Steven Colbert - Pass = you laugh at Bill O'Reilly | Fail = you agree with Bill O'Reilly

• Tickle Pop Culture Test - if you're feeling extra smart, go ahead and take the IQ test

• Dictionary Test - You know at least one of the many new words just added to the Oxford English Dictionary . Whoa, whoa, whoa - you mean to tell me that toodles wasn't in the dictionary before this year? For shame.

With that, remember the random yet profound words of Arthur C. Clarke: "It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value."

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Voltaire said, "anything too stupid to be said is sung." With that, here's your MOS [Moment of Schadenfreude]. Remember Bizzy Bone from Bone Thugs -n- Harmony ? If so, you're gonna love this one.

COTM | Adults Say The Darndest Things!

It's JUNE already? Well I'll be! Happy Monday All!

Have you ever made a comment and then immediately thought, "oh shoot....I shouldn't have said that"? I have...at least a few times a day. Like the time I asked my middle school teacher why her last name changed so many times.

Well I thought I'd start the week off with other people's "I failed to think before I spoke" comments. These are great!...

* George W. Bush: "The best way to defeat the totalitarian of hate is with an ideology of hope—an ideology of hate—excuse me—with an ideology of hope." - Fort Benning, Ga., Jan. 11, 2007

* Michael Jackson: "Why can't you share your bed? The most loving thing to do is share your bed with someone" - when British journalist Martin Bashir asked him about children sharing a bed with non-parental adults.

* Stewie [from Family Guy]: "There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore."

* Britney Spears: "I get to go to a lot of overseas places, like Canada"

* George W. Bush: "Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?" - Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

Yes Mr. President, they is. Since we're talking about speaking before you think, did you all watch the Democratic Presidential Debate yesterday? HERE'S my highlight clip - John Edwards and Barack Obama discussing the War in Iraq. As you watch the beginning of this clip, please allow me to translate to my native tongue, "the truth":

Edwards: Hilary & Barry - I guess you all cast the right vote on the Iraq Spending Bill. Kudos. But you're lacking leadership skills. Right decision...not enough action.

Obama: Leadership skills?! John-John, let's be honest here. You're cosignin' on my stellar disposition. I've been against the war from the get. Act like you were too and we've got ourselves a problem... Oh - and I look like 10 times better than you in this here navy power suit.

Edwards: [cricket, cricket.....tumbleweed...]

Hilary Clinton: [thinking to herself] Hmm....he does look good though. What is that, Armani?

Haha! Given yesterday's debate my words of advice for the week are: Think before you speak. It may just land you that very important job . [exception to the rule: bush]

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Happy Black Single Parents Week [I'm serious] - sponsored by the Chicago Black Single Parents Network

p.p.s: Here's your MOS [Moment of Schadenfreude]. It's actually 10 of them condensed into 2 minutes of visual goodness. David Letterman's "Top Ten George W. Bush Moments"