COTM | What Now?!

Snappy Swinter Wonderland - is it spring yet?! Sheesh!

The Oscars & after parties were quite the sha-bang huh? Glitz, glamour, glory and what-not. Starlets and legends. Class & Style...

...Who am I kidding, I didn't watch one moment of it all. There were two Law & Order marathons on and I took full advantage. I must admit, I was seriously conflicted [SVU on USA and Criminal Intent on Bravo]. I hope I never have to make a decision like that ever again. Really, it stressed me out.

You know what else is stressin' me out? Glad you asked - so I'm sitting here at Luther Westside Volkswagon. Once again I received a postcard in the mail saying "something" in/on my car was recalled and I need to bring my car in. I'm gonna need for them to get it right the first time - like when they're building the car in "Germany" [Read: Brazil]. Well here I am waiting on my car [his name is Merc by the way]. Let's do a play-by-play shall we?

• 8:30 AM: I drive Merc the service center. They tell me my brake lights were recalled and they'll replace them [good...'cause I kind of need those]. I head to the "Business Center."

• 9:00 AM: My service guy tells me I need my windshield wipers replaced [which I knew b/c I requested it when I walked in, but who's listening right?] That'll be like $12 plus "labor" [not bad...looks like I can pay cash for my car service today.]

• 9:30 AM: Just as I suspected, my brake pads are worn down. $57.65 for all 4 and $93.16 for 2 rotors [ok...well...debit card today...I budgeted for this...wait for it]...and $220 for labor. [Ay Caramba! What kind of "labor" are we working with here?! It can't possibly be more labor than childbirth, and those women don't even get paid!...usually.This mess is going on credit.]

• 10:00 AM: My new found enemy [service guy] says that there's a fee for regular maintenance. It's usually $86 but they recently reduced the price. So this time, it's only $80. Today is truly my lucky day - $6 in savings. Drinks on me. I give my service guy the evil side-eye and walk away. They know me here as "the chick that knows too much about her car and knows when she's getting ripped-off" and they still pulled this mess.
  

• 10:30 AM: I'm Googling the $#$&)#! out for some "Volkswagen Service Coupons".

I can't wait for 11:00 AM. Really, I can't. They'll probably tell me I need to get my engine, battery, and wheels replaced too. My advice for the week? Use Public Transportation! It's cheaper, greener, and funner...yeah, I said funner.

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Here's your MOS - who knew Mike Huckabee could be such a comedian?! "Uh-oh! That's not good news. You know Seth, I was counting on those Super Delegates..."

COTM | Pina Coladas

Snap-a-colada! It's Monday!

Who needs a tropical vacation?! So last night I got back from New Mexico [lovely combination of crisp air, a bit of snow, and sun]...and when I landed in the Twin Cities it was about 5 degrees below zero - which isn't too bad if your heat works...but apparently mine doesn't [I know what you're thinking and yes I paid my bill...hater]...

Matter fact, my loft was 50 degrees when I walked in and a cozy 53 degrees when I woke up this morning from my frigid slumber. My building super brought me a space heater which I used to create a warm fort - along with a dining room chair, my couch, and my ottoman. And even though it read: "caution, do not cover or place items on heater" I most definitely slept on the space heater like it was a mattress. And now my legs look like a McGriddle, but that's neither here nor there.


Here go a few clues that you need a tropical vaca to get away from the cold weather...and for some of you, cold co-workers. If you've "lost" any one of these 3 crucial sensibilities, you just may need a Hawaiian Tropics vacation STAT! ...

• Style: It's really not OK to show up to work in sweats, Uggs and a ski mask. It may "feel right," given the North Pole-esque weather, but you've simply gotten too comfortable and you really need to snap out of it.
  

• Reason: I was at the MSP airport on Friday and as I passed the shoe shining area one of the shoe shiners tried to holla at me....and I actually considered stopping to talk with him. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against shoe shining as a profession - and this guy was a good 50 years younger than the last shoe shiner that tried to get @ me [yes, this is pretty much a routine at the MSP airport]. I think it's what he called me that turned me away. Something along the lines of "ayyyy-shawtaay..." And I was actually gonna stop! Get it....together.

• That Lovin' Feeling: Have you lost it? When your co-worker asked you for those TPS reports last week, did you throw a Swingline Stapler at his head? When your boss asked you how your day is going did you stare, blink, stare and then walk-away without saying a word? Stop...think about it.

Sometimes we get so consumed in work and school that we forget to make time for ourselves - time for fun! And then we just go loopy. This week, plan a "vacation" - tropical, mental, whatever! Go to a concert, plan a road trip, check-out a new restaurant and if you're a baller, go to Belize or somethin' [you can send a ticket to my home address, thx].

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Here's your MOS - this movie will never get old [nsfw - language]. "Sounds like somebody has a Case of the Mondays!"

COTM | Tax Time!

Snip-Snax - get that Tax!

I know what's on your mind. I know you're thinking about next week and all the joys it may bring, but I need to redirect your thoughts. Oh sure, you're thinking about your chances of winning the MSNBC "Make Your Own Super Tuesday Political Campaign Ad", but I'm here to tell you that you lost because you forgot to play Josh Groban in the background and you carelessly left out the illustrious American Flag...so let's move on together shall we? Did I mention you didn't have any "African Children" [no specific country listed, just the entire continent it seems] singing along with Josh Groban? You should really try harder next time. No worries - there's always 2012.

So let's refocus for a moment and talk about what you've neglected for so long...your taxes! I know - it's a hassle, but ya gotsta do 'em! Let me give you some incentives. Here go a couple reasons why you should do your taxes...

• Lemme Hold a Dolla!: According to my boys Henry & Richard Bloch [known to you as H & R Block], 43 million Americans [1/3] didn't have to pay taxes after all deductions and credits. You may be one of 'em! I hope they take coupons!

• Pay Me!: Better yet, you might just get a refund. Matter 'fact, you could be getting that coveted $600 rebate in May. Buzz kill: If you make less than $3K/yr, are ridiculously wealthy, or on Social Security...well...way to be a team player but you don't make the cut. Lo siento!

• They're Watching You: The IRS audits about 1% of tax returns it receives every year. If you don't do 'em this year, me thinks they'd find a way to squeeze you into that 1%....even without your tax return.
  

• Tax Breaks: Some of you are doing big things and going green. For this, you can get a tax break! Yup! That sexy [not really] hybrid car that you bought last year?! Tax break! Geo-thermal heat pump? Break! Solar water heater? Cha-Ching!

• Ummm...: Yeah...it's probably the right thing to do. So until you make that move Bahrain [you can live with Michael Jackson!], Monaco, Vanuatu - or other tax havens, you'll be paying personal income tax.
  

I'm usually not a strong proponent of "the man," but all of this recent political coverage has me doing the right thing lately. Blast! So here's my advice for the week. Gather you materials to do your taxes [you don't have to do them this week...I know I'm not] and then once you do that, you can get back to all the political goodness!

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Here's your MOS - hey, for $25,000 I would have done this rap in Portuguese.

COTM | You Need A Vaca!

Snappy Day - it's time for a Vaca! Happy Monday!

I don't know about you but I'm in serious need of a vacation y'all. I never thought I'd say this, but we should be more like Europe... wait for it...in that they go on "holiday" like 6 weeks out of the year. Only in America does one take only 5 days off of work the entire year.

You know what? I think you need a vacation too. Wanna know how I know? I thought you'd never ask...

• You've made at least 1 comical video using pictures of your co-workers, celebrities, and/or political figures. Who said Kim Jung Il only looks good in a military uniform? Wait...who said Kim Jung Il looks good??
  

• Your minimal free time at work is spent looking up vacation packages to Zanzibar and other places affiliated with Queen. On an unrelated topic - who would like to go to Zanzibar with me in December? About 5-7 days? Honeymoon package?
  

• The issues of the world plague you everyday...and you like to make-up hilarious songs about them.
  

• Last week you left work early...and you're a doctor...and you were in the middle of heart surgery.

• Forget effort, now you just come into work in whatever is semi-clean...like your dining room drapes.
  

• At your last company meeting your co-worker took the last bagel. You looked him straight in the eye and said, " leggo my eggo" and then grabbed the bagel out of his hands and walked away.

• Watching Office Space makes you cry - because you can relate in the worst way .
  

Basically, it's probably time for a vacation when your priorities are all out of whack. And from what I gather, a lot of you have some suspect priorities. My advice? Take a vacation! Even if it means building a fort in your living room and calling it Yosemite National Park. You gotta do what ya gotta do!

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s : Here's your MOS - sigh...such a good movie.