Oh how I missed it. I missed Monday like the deserts miss the rain. Like Michael Vick is about to miss Football and privacy. Like hip hop misses decent music. Like Georgie B misses Alberto. Yeah folks. I missed it that bad.
You know what else I miss? Money. Well...I never missed it 'cause I never really had it. But I'd like it! I mean - I don't have to have it...but lemme just be superficial for one moment. Have you ever thought about what you'd do if someone gave you One Million Dollars? After Georgie B "and them" take 50%...after you pay off your student loans and "miscellaneous debt"...after you make your "charitable contributions"...what material items would you spend your money on?! You have NO IDEA you say? Well let me help you out. When you win the lottery and decide to spend your money on useless goodies, please think of me in one of the following 7 manners...
- Iced-Out iPod Shuffle : It's classy, it's sleek, it holds 250 songs...and it's only $20,000
- Yalos LCD TV : You have to have a clear screen and perfect resolution while watching Coming to America. I'll take mine with 160 diamonds. $130,000.
- Bhutan Book: It's life size, it's about the Himalayan Kingdom (you know you love it) and it's WAY better than a coffee table book. You need a big book for your big home. $15,000. A mind's a terrible thing to waste. And so is a lanai...put it in your lanai.
- PG Tips Tea: With the stress of being rich, you need some tea to calm you down...and sip in your lanai. That'll be $7500 for one tea bag please.
- Hoveround: Those commercials have me hooked. Yesterday I saw two old ladies cruisin' down Lyndale in these bad boys like they were rollin' in a Bentley. AND they were stunnin' with some curlers in their hair! Too hot. I might do that this weekend. I wonder if insurance will cover the hoveround...
- NASA's Blue Smoke: A gel that's 99.8% air?!?! Sand and silicone dioxide...but feels like expanded polystyrene?!?! That's ridiculous! I don't know what it does but I know it's cool...and expensive. You better call NASA and get you some...and keep it in your lanai.
- Bugatti Veyron: I just thought I'd throw that in there. You know...if you had some change left over...and subsequently won the lottery again.
Nice huh? I can't wait for one of ya'all to win the lottery. But to be honest [sappy statement in 5....4....3....2....] all I really want from you is your friendship. That's definitely worth more than a million dollars. But if you do win - just remember who kept you entertained Monday mornings when you were at that job you just quit 'cause now you're rich and all.
Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.
Have a great week!
p.s : Here's your MOS - once again, I try not to make fun of people under 18 but...it was just too easy. She shoulda won Miss Teen USA guys. Don't act like YOU know how to locate the United States on a map... 'cause you don't.
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