COTM | Tax Time!

Snip-Snax - get that Tax!

I know what's on your mind. I know you're thinking about next week and all the joys it may bring, but I need to redirect your thoughts. Oh sure, you're thinking about your chances of winning the MSNBC "Make Your Own Super Tuesday Political Campaign Ad", but I'm here to tell you that you lost because you forgot to play Josh Groban in the background and you carelessly left out the illustrious American Flag...so let's move on together shall we? Did I mention you didn't have any "African Children" [no specific country listed, just the entire continent it seems] singing along with Josh Groban? You should really try harder next time. No worries - there's always 2012.

So let's refocus for a moment and talk about what you've neglected for so long...your taxes! I know - it's a hassle, but ya gotsta do 'em! Let me give you some incentives. Here go a couple reasons why you should do your taxes...

• Lemme Hold a Dolla!: According to my boys Henry & Richard Bloch [known to you as H & R Block], 43 million Americans [1/3] didn't have to pay taxes after all deductions and credits. You may be one of 'em! I hope they take coupons!

• Pay Me!: Better yet, you might just get a refund. Matter 'fact, you could be getting that coveted $600 rebate in May. Buzz kill: If you make less than $3K/yr, are ridiculously wealthy, or on Social Security...well...way to be a team player but you don't make the cut. Lo siento!

• They're Watching You: The IRS audits about 1% of tax returns it receives every year. If you don't do 'em this year, me thinks they'd find a way to squeeze you into that 1%....even without your tax return.
  

• Tax Breaks: Some of you are doing big things and going green. For this, you can get a tax break! Yup! That sexy [not really] hybrid car that you bought last year?! Tax break! Geo-thermal heat pump? Break! Solar water heater? Cha-Ching!

• Ummm...: Yeah...it's probably the right thing to do. So until you make that move Bahrain [you can live with Michael Jackson!], Monaco, Vanuatu - or other tax havens, you'll be paying personal income tax.
  

I'm usually not a strong proponent of "the man," but all of this recent political coverage has me doing the right thing lately. Blast! So here's my advice for the week. Gather you materials to do your taxes [you don't have to do them this week...I know I'm not] and then once you do that, you can get back to all the political goodness!

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Here's your MOS - hey, for $25,000 I would have done this rap in Portuguese.

COTM | MLK Day!

Snappy Martin Luther King Day!

OK, raise your hand if you have to work today....yup....just as I suspected. Most of you guys are at work! Whatever happened to taking the day off and remembering one of history's most influential people? When I was little we spent the entire day celebrating, educating, and remembering. When I was in Middle School we had a half day of school and that first half included some sort of Martin Luther King festivity. In college we had MLK luncheons, speakers series...and ski trips [I know...this one I could have left out]. And now I'm lucky if I hear "We Shall Overcome" being hummed on the street. I mean - I haven't even seen that cheesy McDonald's commercial with the birthday cake and blazing candles for Dr. King. For some reason it's so prominent as a student but not as a working professional. Well no worries - I have some ideas for all of you at work today...and some of you who don't have to work but would still like to remember this amazing man ...

• Serve: "Everybody can be great because everybody can serve" [MLK]. Find a service opportunity in your area - or create one. You don't have to go out and build a house today [maybe tomorrow??]. Just do something small that will make a big difference.
  

• Share:When I was in second grade we had to write an essay about what MLK means to us. I look back at that and think how great it would be to do that today [verbally of course, I'm SO over essays]. Talk to your friends and family about what he, his mission, and his family mean to you. Better yet - find a child to talk to - it's all about perspective and they're looking for it.
  

• Remember: Even if you work from 7 am to 7pm, find a few moments to remember the life, teachings, and influence of Dr. King. Read an excerpt, watch a video of one of his speeches, identify his presence in yourself and those around you.
  

• Celebrate: We all live throughout the United States, but each State has an official MLK celebration somewhere. For example, Tavis Smiley is at the Mpls Convention Center right now. Find a luncheon, parade, lecture ... something!

• Live: A couple years ago I had the chance to spend an afternoon with Yolanda King [when I was @ NBC]. Hearing about MLK from his own daughter was amazing to say the least, but hearing about how we all play a role in the human family was inspirational. Live in the human family ...think about it.
  

Whatever you do today, take a few moments to think about what today is all about. Then, think about what you're going to do to add to this great legacy...and then do it!

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week! And Happy MLK Day!

p.s: Here's your MOS - so when I was little, I thought my Dad was Dr. King. He had this graduation picture from Med School that I compared to a picture of MLK and I was convinced they were the same person...or at least brothers. Very confusing time for me...

p.p.s: Check out the Google Image today. Love it!

COTM | Awards Shows

Snizzle Snazzle and all that Razzles - It's Monday!

So did anyone catch the Golden Globes last night? Oh, that's right. The Writer's Strike has Hollywood on lock! The 65th Annual Golden Globes was reduced to a press conference and Dateline junkets. Times are hard in Hollywood - they had to skip the pomp [ the red carpet ] and circumstance [$50,000 gowns] and get straight to the point [ the "winners"]...hmm...I could get used to this! Pretty soon they'll be texting the results with links to the actors' IMDB

I've never really been into awards shows. Unless they have to do with music, in which case I'm SO there. Maybe I refrain from watching because I think they're a bit biased [umm....how come The Kite Runner and Love in the Time of Cholera didn't win anything?! Not even for their music compositions?!] Maybe I don't watch 'em because they're like 3 days long. And I just ain't got time for that - unless it's a 3-day Law & Order marathon in which case I'm totally committed.

Golden Globes? Booorrring. Academy Awards? Yaaawwn. People's Choice Awards? Didn't chose ME. Let's make up our own awards shall we?!
profiles.

• Adult Content in Cartoon Form Awards: The Boondocks, Family Guy, Afro Samurai, South Park, The Simpsons - they all deserve their own venue, truly. And yes - I said Afro Samurai. I borrowed the DVD from my Dad if anyone wants to watch it.
  

• Best & Worst Pick-Up Lines Awards: We can start with Chocolate Twankies and end with one of these. "Let's make like fabric softener and Snuggle"??? Wow. Just...wow.
  

• The Cool Politician Awards: This one would be based on a combination of fashion sense, dance ability, knowledge of pop culture, and of course - foreign & domestic policy.
  

• Video Vixen Awards: You can rename this as you see fit. Those girls put in "work" and all they have to show for it is a 1-hour VH1 special on "Video Honeys." Fooorrr shame.

• Best Food in the Whole Wide World Awards: this one just gives me a reason to eat....a lot. Now get in the kitchen and make me a sammich - no mayo!
  

Lately it seems like movies, shows & music are made for notoriety & fame instead of goodness & entertainment. My advice for the week? Do something award-worthy - out of the goodness of your heart. You may not win a fancy-shmancy statue, but you'll probably win some appreciation from those around you.

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Here's your MOS [nsfw] - and we haven't heard from Isaiah Washington since. Looks like he may have to go back to " African-American Cinema."

COTM | Best of the Holiday Goodness

Oh Snap! Snapalicious! Snap-o-rama! Snapple-Doodle-Doo! Snappy il Coccodrillo! It's the first Monday of the year!

Welcome back folks, welcome back. Did you miss me? Um...no...it's not a trick question. You're supposed to say yes. Really. Just tell me ya love me! Sigh.

So what'd you do for the holidays? Eat a lot? Spend all your money?! Go spelunking? Well I figured I should let you take a peak into the funny highlights of my holiday season. Here's my top ten in no particular order...

• I had to pick myself up off the floor after watching David Gregory do a MEAN two step on the Today Show to Mary J. Blige. He and Obama have an open invitation to any and all of my future parties.
  

• What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, unless you blog every Monday, in which case all stories are fair game. Ran into Kathy & Rick Hilton in an elevator [no joke, nice folks] and discussed Allen Iverson [b/c we had just seen him at the hotel casino]. My friend and I also explained to Mrs. Hilton that the man in the pimp suit she saw wasn't Snoop Dog. It was just an impersonator who clearly fooled several tourists...and her.
  

• I watched this video at least 100 times. OK, 200 times.
  

Baby Gives The Evil Eye - Watch more free videos

• You got me, 300 times.
  

• My dad saw the Beyonce DirecTV Upgrade commercial and proclaimed, "What's her name again? Beyonce?...yeah...that's the girl that called me last night."

• I had to work. Hilarious, no?

• I witnessed Mariah Carey [or to you fans out there, Mimi] catch a cold on New Years - via TV.

• I watched more mindless television than I've watched since spring break '87.
  

• I wore sweats for like, 3 days straight [yes, I showered in between...no, I wasn't playing ping-pong...but kind of wish I was].
  

• My niece and I baked about...oh....a gagillion break and bake cookies . And ate them all. And then we each ate about a pint of Haagen Daaz sorbet. And all this after going out for Thai. This was just the first night she was in town. And now, this is what I look like...foxxxxaaayy!
  

Overall, it was a great holiday season spent with my favs: family, friends, & food, lol. A great way to end 2007 and start 2008. My advice for the week? Reminisce on the good times you've had and create a bunch of new ones. Laugh a little!

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Here's your MOS - for the love of pink eyeshadow. Is that the candelabra from Beauty and the Beast?! And why are the lyrics so depressing? Sheesh! Lighten up!

COTM | Happy New Year!

Snappy New Year!

Give your loved ones the silly side eye and wish them the best in 2008! You all deserve the best in the new year! Love ya!

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Once again...you shouldn't be reading this....because that may mean you're working! Stop working!

COTM | Merry Christmas!

Snappy Holidays!

Give your family and friends a big hug and tell 'em you love 'em! And give 'em a hug for me too ;-)

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Wait...you shouldn't be reading this....because that may mean you're working! Stop working!

COTM | Ab-Fabs '07

Snappy Tomato Pizza - It's Monday! Thank ya for the birthday wishes last week! And a super-duper thank you to the Stanford '03 gals who donated a digital camera to Free Arts Minnesota in my name - the kids will LOVE IT! For those of you that tried to get a hold of me at work that day....well...you shoulda known better. I was no where near my job. Otay, moving riiigghht along... Well, this year has been full of off-the-wall stories. I'm sure that you all have read a few here and there, but I thought I'd compile a list of my ab-fabs. This will certainly keep you entertained...

• Ha Ha Ha! Merry Christmas! : Santas in Australia have been asked to say "Ha Ha Ha" because "Ho Ho Ho" may be offensive to women. Own the word ladies, don't let the word own you!

• $54,000 Scotch: Um....I'll take rail, thanks. Wait...I don't even drink scotch.
  

• Senator Biden on Senator Obama: "I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy, I mean, that's a storybook, man." Really Joe? "Articulate"?..."Clean"? Were there no other adjectives in your vocab that day? Was Jesse Jackson not clean? Al Sharpton? No?...

• Stolen Greeting Cards : So Mr. Postman stole greeting cards and took the money that was inside. Smart man. If he was really smart, he'd steal a credit card and gank someone's identity. I'm just sayin. If you're gonna do it, do it right. $50 birthday check or $5000 credit limit? Amateur.
  

• Who Wants to Marry a U.S. Citizen?: Your eyes are not deceiving you. This is the name of a TV show that hopes to get picked-up by a network. It works like this: 1) Guy is illegal immigrant. 2) Guy meets "American" Girl. 3) Guy and Girl "fall in love." 4) Guy marries Girl and gets Green Card. And if I may add, 5) Guy and Girl go to jail for fraudulent marriage.

• Andre J: I can't believe he made the cover of Paris Vogue. Wait. I take that back. I can't believe he made it in the New York Times !
  

• Virgin Atlantic Safety Video: Um....I really don't know what to say. This video creeps me out a little. Actually, it creeps me out a lot. I can't stand the Heathrow Airport. So if I was on a flight from the U.S. to Heathrow and this video played?! Well....lets just say you wouldn't want to be the one sitting next to me.
  

• Diamond Skull: I'm sorry what was that? "A platinum cast of a human skull encrusted with 8,601 diamonds" you say? Bought for $100 Million? You see, this is the kind of @&#!$!* that makes me angry.

• 

This stuff is just too good to make up folks. So what's your funny story? My advice to you is to make one up...and live it! Life's too short for it to be boring too. Just make sure someone is nearby with a camera. Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Here's your MOS - ouch! He's gonna feel that tomorrow...or today.

p.p.s: If any of you would like to know more about Free Arts Minnesota, just get at me. It's a phenomenal organization that is near and dear to me.