COTM | Best of the Holiday Goodness

Oh Snap! Snapalicious! Snap-o-rama! Snapple-Doodle-Doo! Snappy il Coccodrillo! It's the first Monday of the year!

Welcome back folks, welcome back. Did you miss me? Um...no...it's not a trick question. You're supposed to say yes. Really. Just tell me ya love me! Sigh.

So what'd you do for the holidays? Eat a lot? Spend all your money?! Go spelunking? Well I figured I should let you take a peak into the funny highlights of my holiday season. Here's my top ten in no particular order...

• I had to pick myself up off the floor after watching David Gregory do a MEAN two step on the Today Show to Mary J. Blige. He and Obama have an open invitation to any and all of my future parties.
  

• What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, unless you blog every Monday, in which case all stories are fair game. Ran into Kathy & Rick Hilton in an elevator [no joke, nice folks] and discussed Allen Iverson [b/c we had just seen him at the hotel casino]. My friend and I also explained to Mrs. Hilton that the man in the pimp suit she saw wasn't Snoop Dog. It was just an impersonator who clearly fooled several tourists...and her.
  

• I watched this video at least 100 times. OK, 200 times.
  

Baby Gives The Evil Eye - Watch more free videos

• You got me, 300 times.
  

• My dad saw the Beyonce DirecTV Upgrade commercial and proclaimed, "What's her name again? Beyonce?...yeah...that's the girl that called me last night."

• I had to work. Hilarious, no?

• I witnessed Mariah Carey [or to you fans out there, Mimi] catch a cold on New Years - via TV.

• I watched more mindless television than I've watched since spring break '87.
  

• I wore sweats for like, 3 days straight [yes, I showered in between...no, I wasn't playing ping-pong...but kind of wish I was].
  

• My niece and I baked about...oh....a gagillion break and bake cookies . And ate them all. And then we each ate about a pint of Haagen Daaz sorbet. And all this after going out for Thai. This was just the first night she was in town. And now, this is what I look like...foxxxxaaayy!
  

Overall, it was a great holiday season spent with my favs: family, friends, & food, lol. A great way to end 2007 and start 2008. My advice for the week? Reminisce on the good times you've had and create a bunch of new ones. Laugh a little!

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Here's your MOS - for the love of pink eyeshadow. Is that the candelabra from Beauty and the Beast?! And why are the lyrics so depressing? Sheesh! Lighten up!

COTM | Happy New Year!

Snappy New Year!

Give your loved ones the silly side eye and wish them the best in 2008! You all deserve the best in the new year! Love ya!

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Once again...you shouldn't be reading this....because that may mean you're working! Stop working!

COTM | Merry Christmas!

Snappy Holidays!

Give your family and friends a big hug and tell 'em you love 'em! And give 'em a hug for me too ;-)

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Wait...you shouldn't be reading this....because that may mean you're working! Stop working!

COTM | Ab-Fabs '07

Snappy Tomato Pizza - It's Monday! Thank ya for the birthday wishes last week! And a super-duper thank you to the Stanford '03 gals who donated a digital camera to Free Arts Minnesota in my name - the kids will LOVE IT! For those of you that tried to get a hold of me at work that day....well...you shoulda known better. I was no where near my job. Otay, moving riiigghht along... Well, this year has been full of off-the-wall stories. I'm sure that you all have read a few here and there, but I thought I'd compile a list of my ab-fabs. This will certainly keep you entertained...

• Ha Ha Ha! Merry Christmas! : Santas in Australia have been asked to say "Ha Ha Ha" because "Ho Ho Ho" may be offensive to women. Own the word ladies, don't let the word own you!

• $54,000 Scotch: Um....I'll take rail, thanks. Wait...I don't even drink scotch.
  

• Senator Biden on Senator Obama: "I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy, I mean, that's a storybook, man." Really Joe? "Articulate"?..."Clean"? Were there no other adjectives in your vocab that day? Was Jesse Jackson not clean? Al Sharpton? No?...

• Stolen Greeting Cards : So Mr. Postman stole greeting cards and took the money that was inside. Smart man. If he was really smart, he'd steal a credit card and gank someone's identity. I'm just sayin. If you're gonna do it, do it right. $50 birthday check or $5000 credit limit? Amateur.
  

• Who Wants to Marry a U.S. Citizen?: Your eyes are not deceiving you. This is the name of a TV show that hopes to get picked-up by a network. It works like this: 1) Guy is illegal immigrant. 2) Guy meets "American" Girl. 3) Guy and Girl "fall in love." 4) Guy marries Girl and gets Green Card. And if I may add, 5) Guy and Girl go to jail for fraudulent marriage.

• Andre J: I can't believe he made the cover of Paris Vogue. Wait. I take that back. I can't believe he made it in the New York Times !
  

• Virgin Atlantic Safety Video: Um....I really don't know what to say. This video creeps me out a little. Actually, it creeps me out a lot. I can't stand the Heathrow Airport. So if I was on a flight from the U.S. to Heathrow and this video played?! Well....lets just say you wouldn't want to be the one sitting next to me.
  

• Diamond Skull: I'm sorry what was that? "A platinum cast of a human skull encrusted with 8,601 diamonds" you say? Bought for $100 Million? You see, this is the kind of @&#!$!* that makes me angry.

• 

This stuff is just too good to make up folks. So what's your funny story? My advice to you is to make one up...and live it! Life's too short for it to be boring too. Just make sure someone is nearby with a camera. Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Here's your MOS - ouch! He's gonna feel that tomorrow...or today.

p.p.s: If any of you would like to know more about Free Arts Minnesota, just get at me. It's a phenomenal organization that is near and dear to me.

COTM | Holiday Fun

Snappy Holidays! It's Monday!

Well it's about that time folks. It's December and the holiday season is upon us. I won't bore you with my annual conspicuous consumption speech, but I will give you the abridged, remixed version...

OK, so here goes: Easy on the malls, online stores, and fruitcakes. Spend some quality time with your family and friends. Give Santa a smooch - and think about " the reason for the season. "

During the holiday season we can easily get carried away with shopping, gifts and pricey items ...and I'm certainly not going to stand in the way of you and your MasterCard, but I will add a couple ideas to your "holiday to do list." Think of me as your conscience...your voice of reason...your nagging wife...

• One: The Campaign to Make Poverty History - why not throw a holiday event for a cause like this? Raise awareness and raise some mullah.
  

• World Vision: Many of you know this has been a favorite of mine since about 1993. A small gift can provide a child with clothes, medicine, books, and more.
  

• Volunteer Match: You can find any and every volunteer opportunity through this site. Food banks, shelters, and schools need more help than ever during holidays. Check 'em out.

• Toys for Tots: You gotta luv the kids! Throw a couple toys for the kids in the shopping cart along with the Wii and Plasma TV fr you. Mmhmm...I know what you're getting yourself for the holidays.
  

• Insert Your Own Humanitarian Effort Here: Hey - I can't come up with all the ideas! Sheesh. You guys are gettin' lazy!
  

So what I'm trying to say is, remember what the holidays are all about. Oh - and don't spend all your money! e. e. cummings once said, "I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." Ain't that the truth!

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Here's your MOS- actually its not really schadenfreude. To be honest, I'm thinking about bringing some Jell-O Jigglers to at least one holiday party this year.

p.p.s: If I get motivated, maybe I'll post more ideas on my website - keep your eyes peeled.

COTM | Bringing Texty Back

SMISV!

Sup? AWHFY? No? Ok, well J4YI, Oprah is SFE2E b/c of Obama. IOW, the YL is endorsing the QT. OMG! SWDYT? IMHO, WK?! FWIW, they're TBFFs. Poor Stedman.

If you didn't catch that, study this and then read below. If you did catch it all, me thinks you're a 13 year old girl.

Snapalicious, Monday is STILL vicious! What's Up? Are we having fun yet? No? Ok, well just for your information, Oprah is smiling from ear to ear because of Obama. In other words, the young lady is endorsing the cutie. Oh my goodness! So what do you think? In my humble opinion, who knows?! For what it's worth, they're totally best friends forever. Poor Stedman.

So how many of you have been caught in one of these conversations via e-mail/text?! They're almost as painful as being caught in a Chocolate Twankie convo. And trust you me, both are indications that the English language is dying a slow and painful death. You know what else will clue you into the current state of our national vernacular?...

• You've had the above abbreviated conversation...in person.
  

• Sometimes, when you're frustrated, you say, "WTF?!"...outloud.
  

• You watched the LG National Texting Championship

• You participated in the LG National Texting Championship and lost because you couldn't text "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious if you say it loud enough you'll always sound precocious" in less than 15 seconds.

• You get confused when people speak normal English.
  

For the love of Merriam and Webster! I can't be the only one speaking [broken] English! Sheesh. My advice for the week? Let's all pick up a dictionary...and study it. Matter of fact, let's sign-up for Word of the Day e-mails. In fact, I'll keep SWOTD [Smart Word of the Day] going. It's necessary...it's our livelihood!

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Here's your MOS - makes you want to stop texting while driving huh?

COTM | Turkey Day

Snapberry Sauce and Turkey! It's Monday!

Ugh. Is it Thanksgiving yet? No?! Sigh. I almost forgot to send this bad-boy out. Since I'm all over the place today, you're going to get my random thoughts. Minimal organization - just nonsensical bullet points! Mmmm...

• Well, well, well....from the results of last week's poll it looks like your favorite Michael Jackson song is "Dirty Diana " - or as my nephew calls it, "Nasty Nancy." I'm surprised no one picked Jam. Shame.

• Why is he not retired yet? How are you gonna claim retirement like several times and then come back?! What kind of an example does that set for our senior citizens?! I would hate for them to think that promising something to the people and then not keeping their word is ok! Oo-wee.
  

• Is it Thanksgiving yet?!

• Brace yourselves. If you caught the AMAs last night, then you caught a glimpse of Armageddon: Alicia Keys performed... and danced! [loved it] and Beyonce joined Sugarland to sing the country version of irreplaceable [irrevocable....that's 2:47 minutes of my life I'll never get back.]
  

• Today is World Toilet Day - I know it may sound funny, but 2.6 billion people in the world are "untoileted" - from the report:"The lack of a safe, private, and convenient toilet is a daily source of indignity and undermines health, education, and income generation." I know this because it was in my work inbox this morning. Now that's how we should all start our Monday mornings.
  

• Back to the American Music Awards. "I be up in the gym workin' on my fitness" too so....umm...where's my AMA? I can dance in some miss piggy pumps like the best of 'em - skill!

• I'll take extra mashed potatoes, gravy, corn bread, sweet potatoes, and a turkey leg to start please. Thanks. What was that? huh?....it's not Thanksgiving yet?!?! Argh!
  

• I want this dress for Christmas so I can get my Tina Turner on...but I could do without the song.

• Can we bring this one back for old times sake? When I'm at work...feeling overwhelmed...or feeling like procrastinating, I just click this link and everything is better. I would pay good money to see this in person.
  

• Mmmm...
  

My advice for the week? Don't act like you're already on vacation - you'll never get anything done. Worse yet, you'll send out random e-mails to your friends and family with subliminal Thanksgiving menu options. Powerhouse it the next few days and then make the best of Thanksgiving [i.e. eat all you can and don't forget to make me a plate!]

Words of wisdom, words of wisdom.

Have a great week!

p.s: Here's your MOS - that reminds me. I need to fill up my tank. Lemme hold a dollar!!